You taught my heart a sense I never knew I had...

Rated: 15 (?)

“When your shirt came off

It was all in time

When an m m m minute

Turned into a mile”

Eyes shut. Breathing Heavy.

Nostalgia clouding my brain. Me and Her.

***knock*** ***knock***

Fuck.

I quickly button my fly and straighten my clothes; checking my hair in the mirror as I pass it.

I silently thank God for the lock on my door as I unbolt it.

A gasp escapes my lips as I see Ryan standing there.

“Oh, it’s you.” I say shortly.

He just stands there with a goofy grin spread across his face. I raise an eyebrow and he pouts.

I try to stay annoyed at the interruption by this hopeless boy, but can’t resist the smile creeping across my lips; replacing my frown.

“Are you gonna come in? Or did you just come over to decorate my doorway?”

I try and keep my voice stern, but the whole angry thing is failing dismally; why was this inept and slightly nerdy boy so goddamn adorable?

He chuckles as he bounds into my room, knocking into the desk in his clumsy haste to get to my beanbag first. I go to automatically pick up my fallen possessions, as I am so used to doing, and laugh at the genuine concern on his face.

I brush away the accident as always, and instead look quizzically at him.

“Why did you come over?”

He looks sheepish and starts to pick at a loose thread in his Dresden Dolls T-shirt. I wait, knowing he will spill eventually. He opens his mouth to speak, but simultaneously a vibration in my pocket signals a phone call, and I raise a finger to silence the poor boy.

***Phone Conversation Begins***

“Hello?”

I pause, puzzled, then notice the time on my Buzz Lightyear alarm clock: 5:30pm.

“Shit! Sorry Hun, I completely lost track of time…Ryan came over…”

I turn away from the indignant boy mouthing, “Don’t bring me into it!”

“Yeh sure Hay, I’ll be over as soon as possible. I’ll get my mum to drop me round. I’ll see you in 10, k?”

Oww!!!

I rub my belly and look down to see the disgruntled look of a rejected boy; his guilty finger raised.

“Oh, and can Ryan come?” I sigh.

“Thanks, right see you in a sec!”

***phone conversation ends***

The frown below me turns to a grin, and he flounces from my bean bag and disappears round my door. I roll my eyes and quickly stuff my drainpipes, studded belt and eyeliner into a bag, grabbing my toothbrush as I follow Ryan’s path from my room and down the stairs into the kitchen.

After minutes of car keys, whines and exhaust fumes, we arrive at Hayley’s house.

Predictably she is waiting outside, sat on the path fidgeting and playing with her hair. When she sees the car pulling in she jumps up and opens the door so I practically fall onto the pavement, then I am dragged by my elbow up the path before I can even say goodbye to my mum. I wave pathetically and Ryan thanks her before making his way from the car.

Once we are all congregated in the hallway we trudge up the stairway into Hayley’s room. She opens the door and a faint smell of vanilla and candy fills my nostrils. The room is laced with colour. Vibrant and quirky objects line shelves and furniture. Equally interesting clothing line the floorboards.

I pause unconsciously at a poster of The Dresden Dolls and turn, eyebrow raised (a regular habit of mine), to question her; but instead am faced with her pretty face and her hands pulling at my hair as she whines,

She pouts, and how can I resist that face? Seriously, I’m such a push-over, and her and Ryan obviously know how to manipulate me…curse the pouting!! Hehe

Hayley just looks at me, still pouting, with her big brown eyes…

“Ok!! Whatever…just let me change first.”

Erin, you seriously need to get a grip, that girl has you wrapped around her little finger!

Half an hour later, we are all ready. Hayley is wearing denim drainpipes and a sparkly top, her hair in perfect golden curls and her eyes framed in blue. Ryan is still in his Dresden Dolls shirt but is now sporting eyeliner and an artistic use of straighteners on his pretty hair. They both look beautiful.

I look in the mirror at my own petite frame clothed in drainpipes (what else) and a few layered tops. I buckle my studded belt and look into my own green eyes as I smother them in eyeliner.

My mind threatens to wander, to a hot place of sand and sea and perfection, but once again I am dragged back to reality by persistent friends.

After more minutes of car keys whines and exhaust fumes, though now with an extra whiner, we arrive two streets away from Gemma’s house (the venue of the party).

“Why have we stopped? “ I ask.

Hayley just pulls me unceremoniously out of the car, yelling back to her mum to pick us up tomorrow at 9am from the same spot.

Ryan exit’s the car by himself (why is it always me that is dragged everywhere?!), and joins us as we walk round the corner into the next street.

I stop walking and look at Hayley, “Why did we stop streets away?!”

She just looks determinedly at me, preparing to argue.

“Well?” I wait, “Please don’t tell me that you made us walk two streets just so that you didn’t have to be seen dropped of by your mum at this stupid excuse for an orgy disguised as a party!?! Since when have you cared what these preps and plastics think???”

I don’t know what I was expecting, but that certainly wasn’t it. I can do nothing but stare, stunned, into her beautiful eyes now burning with fire and moist with tears.

I look helplessly at Ryan, pleading silently, but he just looks awkwardly at his feet.

Silence.

Then Hayley suddenly wakes from her fiery stupor to storm past both me and Ryan, heading for Gemma’s house at the end of the street. Mine and Ryan’s eyes meet and me both make after her, though neither of us are big runners. By the time we get to the front door Hayley has already disappeared in the midst of the colourful people.

Ryan and I clamber through them, climbing over the occasional fallen drunk. The stench of alcohol and sweat engulfing our foreign nostrils and, combined with the overpowering beat of dance music, makes me feel slightly dizzy. I touch Ryan’s arm and signal that I want to sit down. We find a sofa and clear it of empty beer cans.

We sit together for minutes or maybe hours. Occasionally one of us would attempt to make conversation but the music would drown us out so in the end we just gave up, and resorted to crude sign language. After a while of seeing nothing of Hayley and only ridiculous teens stumbling about and exchanging saliva, an attractive boy with dark hair and tight trousers approached our sanctuary. I looked sideways to see Ryan beaming up at the stranger, and noticed how the stranger smiled back. I try and speak or get Ryan’s attention but they are both enchanted by each other. After a few minutes I give up and storm off, leaving my seat to be filled by the small frame of the new boy. I roll my eyes and make a sound of frustration as I try and make my way through the tangle of limbs until I reach a door. Opening it, a rush of cold air hits my face and I sit down hard against the outside wall of the house.

I feel the burn of tears behind my closed eyelids and don’t resist as the water flows down my cheeks.

I never cry. I feel so stupid and hopeless.

Ever since I got back I’ve been a complete bitch to my only friends.

I’ve completely upset Hayley and now she could be anywhere at this stupid place, probably getting completely trashed on whatever she’s offered, legal or otherwise, and then doing god knows what with some sleazy guy.

And Ryan, who can really blame him for wanting alternative company? I’ve hardly been what you’d call sociable all evening. I wonder what he’s doing?

And what about Her?

Isn’t she the reason for all of this?

The thing that’s making me feel so bad and out of control…

Just then, a figure stumbles out of the doorway beside me and I look up into a familiar face. Hayley looks down at me and offers a friendly hand. She pulls me into a standing position and giggles.

She slurs her words.

That’s the only reason she’s talking to me then. She’s drunk. What was I just thinking?!

“Where have you been? How much have you had to drink?”

She just laughs at me and offers the bottle in her hand.

I take it.

All my morals about anti-alcohol disappear as I just want to forget.

I down the remainder of the contents of the bottle and feel a burning in my throat. I gasp and cough as the empty bottle falls to the ground.

Hayley smiles and leads me back into the party. The stench now much worse and the heavy music pulsing in my brain. She leads me through the endless tangle of bodies and bottles to the kitchen where she grabs two more drinks from a table and has them opened by some girl who she appears to know. I grab the bottle from her hand and drain it. I take another and another and another until I can barely make the bottle reach my lips.

Someone speaks,

Then hands take mine and lead me back into the buzz of the party. My inhibitions gone, I dance and jump with the rest and see nothing but blurs and colours and lights.